Monday, December 29, 2008


Have you ever thought about the number of times you say
the word “SHOULD” in the run of a day?
Have you ever thought that by telling others they “should”
you are trying to control them?
Did you know that women wanting to control the people in their lives
is a result of the Fall as recorded in Genesis?

What have you felt when someone has said to you that you “should” -
blah, blah, blah...?
Has it left you feeling obligated
even though you might not fully agree with the “advice”?
Or do you see it just as an expression of opinion and that
it’s OK not to follow the “advice”?

What does this word actually mean?
The dictionary gives these definitions:
· Obligation or duty
· A recommendation but not a requirement
· Advice
· An expectation
· Expression of opinion

*** I wonder ***
Do women use this word more than men?
I’m not going to say that is so because I don’t know.
I do know that I use “should” more than my husband does!
Is that a good indicator?
Maybe – maybe not!
Think about your own experiences for a minute!
I know when I say he (hubby) “should” do something I have the expectation
that he will do it!
I’m giving my opinion but I think it’s a good opinion and
therefore he should do as I say!
How crazy is that?
That means I’m pretty controlling...
That I know better than him!

As a counselor I have been trained not to place my opinions and expectations upon the client!
Not to give “advice”.
My role is to look at the situation objectively,
(using God’s Word as our guide)
and then come up with options that the client can choose from.
The final call is theirs – they make the decision ...

I was reading something the other day about women being “controlling”...
and it took me to Genesis 3...
“The Fall of Man”
This chapter is packed with “how not to be” in our human relationships!
{I am not going to say that you should read this before going on!!!!!}

Eve took charge –
She believed a lie –
thought she knew better than God Himself – because she believed the lie
she pulled her husband into the lie –
and as a result they were banished from the Garden of Eden!

Don’t get me wrong here –
Adam played a part in all of this but Eve took the “leading role” –
This was not the role God had intended for her.
He created her to be man’s helper – his helpmate!

God has been teaching me this for the past 3 -4 years ...
I am to be my husband’s helper;
I am to love, encourage, admire, respect, stand with, and build him up.

Genesis 3:16 –
Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you

I am quoting now from the The Nelson Study Bible – NKJV:
- the word “desire”
can also mean an attempt to usurp or control –
We can paraphrase the last two lines of this verse this way:
“You will now have a tendency to dominate your husband
and he will have the tendency to act as a tyrant over you.”
The battle of the sexes has begun.
Each strives for control and neither lives in the best interest of the other.
The antidote is in the restoration of mutual respect and dignity
through Jesus Christ.
This is a totally new revelation to me ...that the word ‘desire’ could also mean
I would want to dominate (control) him!

Go figure!
I thought it was the devil...
But it’s a result of the Fall! Sin! The curse!
I now see this in a different light!

Jesus has been changing me so much over the past few years ...
It is only through Him and His grace that the controlling nature has diminished ...
[Note - I didn’t say it was ‘gone’]
and the word “should” is slowly leaving my vocabulary.

I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

Ephesians 5:15-23...
These verse give us a pattern for our relationships!
We’ll look at these another time -
for now I pray that you will read and mediate on these Scriptures...
and let the Lord make the necessary changes in you
to become the woman He’s created you to be!

Blessings on you today!
Resting in HIM,

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